The Many Faces of Runners

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By Alex, the hype man

Just as a painter's fundamental skill is to draw countless eggs, for those who deal with writing, it is to observe countless people. As a writer, you ought to have a keen eye, always darting around, observing everything and never staying idle, no matter where you are.

Observation and recording are the source of material for writing. That's why I rarely keep my eyes straight ahead while running. Running is a highly repetitive activity, and it would be a shame not to enjoy what's around me. If you ask me what I observe the most while running, the answer is just one word: people!

Don't laugh, I know that three-legged toads are hard to find, but two-legged runners are everywhere. However, each runner is unique, and when they come together, it's incredibly fascinating. As the famous saying goes, "It takes all sorts to make a world."

Runner Type One: Heavy Steps and Loud Breathing

George Sheehan, the author of "Running & Being," only started running in middle age, but his natural talent led to numerous achievements. Even for such an expert, runners who breathe heavily still make him uneasy. Despite his extensive experience with all kinds of runners, he would still get frustrated when encountering someone breathing heavily. He once said, "Nothing is more annoying than a runner huffing and groaning in your ear." Whenever I find myself next to a loud breather, I always try to get as far away as possible.

I didn't take Sheehan's words seriously until an experience in a race made me fully understand his frustration. It was a trail half marathon, a very niche event with few participants. For safety reasons, the organisers paired runners with similar pace based on the information we provided during registration. Each pair had to complete at least the first half of the course together, and then we were free to solo on the return leg. I was "lucky" enough to be paired with a heavy breather.

After we started, my partner humbly followed behind me. In the first few Ks, we had several conversations, but as the elevation increased, we both fell silent, where my nightmare began. This fella was about 1.9 meters tall, and while I couldn't guess his weight, he definitely didn't have a runner's physique. His build, combined with the loud thudding of his feet, made me feel like the Hulk was chasing me. I don't know if it helped my pace, but the stomping behind me completely disrupted my rhythm.

If I could tolerate the giant's footsteps, then after five KMs, his breathing sounds left me feeling utterly helpless. How extraordinary was the breathing? Accompanied by heavy footsteps, with each step, a deep "Hoo!" would come from the bottom of his throat, then followed by a "Ha!" where I could literally feel his breath tickling my neck. This cycle repeated endlessly behind me, occasionally interspersed with exclamations such as: "Oh my God~" and "Keep going, you can do it~". I really wanted to speed up and escape his mysterious breathing, but the race rules required us to complete the first half together. So, I had no choice but to let the "Hoo & Ha" follow me.

After finally enduring the first half of the course, I said goodbye to my partner and started sprinting. Whether it was because of the downhill or escaping from being tormented by the heavy breathing, I was at an excellent pace and rushed all the way to the finish line. Yet, the "Hoo & Ha" from my partner still echoed in my ears, lingering and refusing to fade away. George Sheehan, you were absolutely right about it.

Runner Type Two: The Chatterbox

Experienced runners know that one way to check if your pace is appropriate is to see if you can carry on a normal conversation while running. Of course, this "conversation" is only meant to test your pace. If you really want to have a proper chat, it's much more sensible to go to Toastmaster than to run a marathon.

Most runners focus their attention on their own steps and may have brief exchanges with other runners, but running is ultimately an introspective activity with little need for conversation with others. Now, imagine having a "chatterbox" buzzing in your ear non-stop while you're running. You might prefer the company of the "heavy breather". Fortunately, I had the pleasure of running with a "chatterbox," and this one was no ordinary chatterbox.

It was a K2M race in Nelson, and I was wearing a Wellington Hurricanes shirt at the starting line. Suddenly, I heard a somewhat awkward sentence in Chinese next to me: "Ni Hao (hello), looks like you are from Wellington." I turned around and saw this Kiwi fella. I had no idea how he figured out I was Chinese, but if I had pretended not to speak Chinese at that moment, he might have left me alone. However, being naturally straightforward, I replied in Chinese without thinking, "That's right, mate, but I'm originally from Beijing!" that was it, for the next 21.097 kilometres, I had my first experience as a Chinese language tutor.

After the start, I deliberately slowed down, following the principle of starting slow and finishing strong. This guy stayed by my side, continuing his Chinese practice. Out of politeness, I engaged in the conversation, learning that he had taken Chinese as an elective paper at university and had fallen in love with Chinese culture after a trip to Shanghai.

I thought he would naturally stop talking after a few kilometers, since we were all there to run. But to my surprise, the more we talked in Chinese, the more enthusiastic he became. From The Monkey King to Kung Fu Panda, from Peking duck to Shanghai eel noodles, he could talk about everything in great detail, making me, a native Chinese, feel ashamed.

In no time, we had already run 10k, and the race was halfway through. The chatterbox still showed no signs of stopping, and his enthusiastic talking even sprayed saliva on my face a few times. Thankfully, this was before the pandemic. I thought to myself that letting him continue like this was not an option; he might ruin my entire race. So, I came up with a sneaky plan. I gradually increased my pace, using a "boiling frog" approach to tire him out, hoping he would naturally shut up.

I was wrong. The chatterbox was no ordinary runner. No matter how much I sped up, his pace remained steady and effortless, never falling behind even a step. At the same time, his mouth kept spewing Chinese at me, making me realise that I had encountered a true legend today. Running fast is not unusual, and being a chatterbox is quite normal, but being able to run fast while chatting non-stop is truly worthy of admiration, like Oska.

In the end, I couldn't shake off the chatterbox even by half a meter. I reluctantly helped him to practice his Chinese the entire race. Even after we crossed the finish line, he was still humbly asking me to translate: why the chicken crossed the road?

To Be Continued

The world is full of diverse people, and running is no different. As long as my eyes keep darting around while running, I'll be able to record more interesting runners and share their stories with you. Meanwhile, feel free to share your experiences with interesting runners you have encountered.